This article is very special as it doesn’t relate to any
career guidance or mentoring I generally do through my blog www.nimishgoel.com. This article is inspired from a real life
incident that happened with me couple of weeks back when I acted in a way I
shouldn’t have and later how I made it good by a simple apology.
It was Friday morning around 11.30AM when I was in the
middle of a meeting. Since past few
weeks the work pressure had taken a toll on each member of our team and
everyone was gasping for some free time.
The work was increasing and unfortunately two of our team members had
left the organization. I was sitting
with a colleague discussing a business plan for our new venture and the
discussions were quite intense.
Right at the middle, my cell phone rings and I saw the name
of a client who had called me the day before also but I wasn’t able to pick his
call because of some prior commitments. So,
I picked up the call and expressed sorry for not being able to talk to him the
day before. Things were absolutely fine
for next 2-3 minutes when we were discussing the work. We were supposed to get back to the client
with some information and I had told him because the team was very busy, we may
not be able to manage time for the next few days, but thereafter work would
surely get finished. I had committed to
the deadlines we had discussed.
Suddenly in the middle of the conversation he started
raising his tone enquiring why we are taking time to respond. I politely said – “Sir, few of our team
members have left but I am sincerely on the job and we would be able to finish
the job”. I told him the deadline to
finish the work is still 4 months away and we are confident enough to finish
much before that. However, some verbal
scuffle started and I just lost my temper.
Raising my voice I told him to mind his words because what he was saying
was inappropriate and there was no reason to shout. I think my voice tone was quite high.
However, during that call itself I immediately realized this
was not good and I shouldn’t have spoken in such a high tone. However, things gradually cooled down and we
ended the call. For the next 10 minutes
my life was suddenly upside down because in my professional career of 14 years
I had never spoken to a client like that and it was absolutely not
professional, even if I thought it wasn’t my mistake. I shouldn’t have spoken like that.
Feeling very bad about my behaviour, I went out of the
office for a walk and introspected what went wrong. I visualized the entire scene in my mind and
I realized my response to an event was abrupt and emotional and therefore, the outcome
was negative. The day was absolutely
fine, I was in a good mood discussing the business plan of our new venture,
excitement about the new venture was palpable but suddenly this call comes, I exchange
some heated words and things take normalcy again.
I mean what happened, why did I suddenly lose my temper and
why did I react that way to an incident that could have been handled with care.
This reminded me of a very relevant formula that I had read
sometime back, which goes as follows:
E + R = O
E = Events
R = Response
O= Outcomes
The outcomes in our life are the result of our response to
events that take place in our lives. If
our response is positive, constructive and filled with joy, the outcome shall
surely be productive. But, where the
response goes negative, filled with anger, jealousy or superficiality, the
outcome has to be something that happened with me… unfortunate.
Extremely critical it is therefore, to watch our words and
actions and determine outcomes we wish to get rather than outcomes that make us
feel low and guilty. My response to the
client’s behavior wasn’t professional and as a result the outcome was filled
with guilt. And there is no one other
than me to take responsibility of what happened. I cannot blame the client for being rude to
me, because I couldn’t have stopped him from behaving that way. If he had to behave that way, that’s his
problem. But what I could have surely
done was watched my response to an untoward event and perhaps, got an outcome
that wasn’t so unprofessional.
However, as our elders have told us, let bygones be bygones.
Simply move on. On that note, I came
back to my seat and immediately wrote an email to him apologizing for what
happened and the way I reacted to the situation. I told him I would surely try to mend this
act by taking him out for dinner. I
purposely did not call him because the incident would have taken him aback as
well and I did not want to create any unpleasant situation again.
In the evening I was sitting in the changing room of my gym remembering
the morning incidence when I thought that I should call him and apologize
personally. Though email was sent,
calling him would surely be the right way to mend the damage and I was sure he
would also understand what happened and there was no reason to panic. So, mustering some courage I called him and
spoke for 5 minutes without any problem.
He said – “Nimish it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Even I was under tremendous pressure from my
seniors to take the update from you and since I was under pressure, my pitch went
up and I did not want to talk like that”.
It was an absolutely perfect conversation as if nothing had
happened.
I felt extremely happy and light and went for a good work
out in the gym. The feeling was purely
because I spoke to him, I faced his voice, I listened to my inner voice that I
should talk and that helps, I did not succumb to the feeling of ignoring it and
finally I could muster courage to mend what went wrong.
Through this article I simply want to share my feelings that
life will throw ups and downs and we may not always respond the way ideally we
should, as a result facing outcomes upsetting us, making us feel low, sometime
frightening us with the results. But
there is always a way to mend our outcomes, simply by practicing the following:
1.
Vacate
your ego chamber
Ego is one of the most dangerous possessions one can have
within him/her. Let it go immediately,
the more it remains inside you the more your outcomes shall be negative. I left my ego, called up the client and felt
extremely happy.
The moment you feel something terribly wrong happened, don’t
waste even a single minute to repair it.
The repairing work has to be done immediately otherwise the damage could
be irreparable. I know it’s difficult to
come out of a negative situation and immediately approach to mend the
wrong. But believe me, it has to be done
quickly. Just do it and see the results.
3.
Feeling
may not be mutual. It doesn’t matter
Even if you have chosen to speak to the other person with a
feeling of apology you may encounter an absolute non-reciprocal feeling and
that may make you feel stupid. You went
ahead to say sorry but the other person is still in his/her ego chamber and
doesn’t want to take your apology. Or
perhaps he/she has been badly hurt and therefore, not ready to accept a nice
behavior immediately after that scuffle that happened between you and him/her.
Don’t worry. As it is
not easy to say sorry, let me tell you it is also not easy to accept sorry
because our brain is just not ready to accept the fact that people would
apologize easily and so soon. So, it is
Ok even if you have not been responded with warmth on your journey to
apologize. But I can tell you with full
confidence, sooner or later that works and it works wonders. After all we are all human beings with same
feelings and beliefs.
4. Just Move On
Making a mistake doesn’t mean you need to keep thinking
about it forever. As humans we are
expected to make mistakes, but you need to then move on in life and forget the
past. Let your mind be filled up with
joy, prosperity, growth, love and kindness, rather than sorrows. You made a mistake, felt apologetic from your
heart and then moved on. That’s how it
should be.
I hope this article helps you in some way, I don’t know how
but I felt like writing this and sharing my experience with you. It is my sincere endeavor to make everyone’s
life beautiful, free of stress and simply superlative.
By the way, that client went with me for dinner and we had a
good time together. He is still with us
and I recently signed one more engagement letter for a new work he has given to
me. As I said…It works. Try it.
Keep smiling and stay blessed…
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